Incredible and amazingly-sexy news has come to light about the World's Sexiest Couple: Pim Kardashian and Khan O'West. While the evil and sexist homophobite, Donald Trump, has been very busy killing cisgendered Mexicans, the sexy and beautiful couple announced that they'll be standing for the American Presidency – as Progressive Democrats! They hope to fight against Global Warmings and Right-wing Evil; as well as for Equalitude. They're also hoping that their new African-American child will be a cisgender. (The surrogate mother is a Black Democrat, who's also a member of the Church of the Jesus H. Corbett, which is in East Sussex.)
Kimmy and Westy - as we at Metro like to call them - take seriously their fight against racist evilitons and bigoted bigotry.
The couple say that they are committed to their marriage and have been sexually and spiritually unified for at least four months.
…. Meanwhile, and on a very different topic, we at the progressive Metro would like to announce that Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx’s relationship has been the best kept secret in showbiz for at least three weeks.
The great Black Actor, Sir Jamie Foxx, and the bestist and most sexiest actress of the last 40 years, Katie Holmes, have been dating since July 2017. And we – at Metro - love them!
Thanks to our highly-trained investigative journalists, this very-important story is now available to Joe Public. According to an in-depth critical analysis, Katie Holmes and Brand Pitt's divorce contained a clause that Katie (38, sexy, and attractive) wasn't allowed to date anybody who isn't rich or sexy.
Katie Holmes - as Metro fans already know - is a great Shakespearean actress and X Factor presenter, who has also appeared in Shakespeare's MacDuff and Samuel Beckett's Where's that sandwich? She also has her very own line in feminist dildos, which she sells for two bob each....